First Person
Our hero returns
“Every Man Must Return to Where He’s From”
(A song to be sung briskly, jauntily, and with as little care as one can muster)
Every man who leaves his home to make his way in the world,
Like Steven Daedalus and other Irish fatalists,
Must inevitably at certain points,
Whether for a wedding or a funeral or some other occasion,
– Be he black, white, Indian, or Asian –
Drag his aching limbs and joints
Back to the place he’s from
And stand as a man before his sisters, Dad, and Mum.
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
Though – He may not care to, or may not even bear to,
And though he acts just like he did when he lived there as a boy
(Even at the age of 33,
He gives himself over to the most adolescent absurdity,
Screaming at his sister that all Americans should be in the government’s employ),
And though arguing racial politics over dinner makes his head pound like a drum,
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
Though his siblings induce madness, and the suburbs inspire sadness,
And his mother turns off the air conditioner despite the thermometer’s warning
– Making it that much more difficult to sleep
On a pull-out couch with a mattress that’s barely two inches deep –
And they serve him lasagna from a box at night and vanilla bagels in the morning,
And the dog barks incessantly ‘til everyone’s ears go numb -
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
Refrain: Tra la laaaa! Tra la leeee! Tra la lummmmmmm!
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
You know it’s true, there’s nothing one can do.
(Just as Odysseus went back to Ithaca.)
Though the house was designed so that the kitchen and the den are essentially one
Making it impossible to hear the TV when the dishwasher’s being run,
Returning home should always be terrific – a
Chance to show his family the noble man that he’s become.
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
When he’s so mature, a boy no more
He must prove that he can face
All the thorny vicissitudes of life
And explain to his mother’s friends why he still has no wife,
And use his father’s computer without leaving any trace
Of pornography, depravity, or any other type of scum.
Yes —
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
La la laaaaaa. La la laaaaaaaa. La la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
There are times in a young man’s life when he must return to where he’s from.
Hey!
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